Senior year...

It's been a while since I wrote anything... Not like anyone reads these posts anyway...

But I'm now a senior!
I'm so happy! Only a few more months, and then I can be separated from these idiots.

I know I said that junior year was stressful, but senior year is even more stressful than anything can ever be. I'm taking 3 AP classes, and they're a lot of work. I have to fill out college and scholarship applications... I'm so busy, I don't even have any free time to read books, or even go on the Internet much...

But another important thing is that I think I have some form of depression...
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I never thought that I could be depressed. I mean seriously depressed.
I just thought that stress, and anxiety was normal for a teenager. But now I'm seriously considering If I have some sort of depression.

I find that I'm never truly happy
I'm stressed 24/7 even over little things
I have low self esteem and confidence
I worry about my weight and appearance
I never want to do anything anymore (go to the mall, etc) because I hate seeing all of the pretty girls and couples looking gorgeous in their cute outfits and being happy. while I look like a whale

I also seem to have a crush on someone...
He was in two if my classes last year. I've always admired him and watched him. But I just recently realized that what I feel towards him Is "like"

I "liked" another boy in my grade last year as well. That poem "カタオモイ" was referring to him. Except... I never even really liked him, I just liked his looks. If you asked me why I liked him, it would take me a while to come up with an answer... But the person I like now... I can immediately come up with things.
I'm pretty sure that this is the first time that I have liked somebody properly.

But too bad that I am fat.
If I was cute, I could talk to him properly, and ask him out, because any guy who get's asked out by a pretty girl is going to be happy, even If he doesn't like her.

But If I asked him out, I think I'd get laughed at... Even though he's not that kind of person.
I can't even talk to him without my cheeks getting hot... I'm too afraid to even add him on Facebook.

So I'll continue to watch from afar, even though it's painful. He talks to another girl in the class who I really admire...
It hurts....
But what can I do?
After graduation, we'll go our separate ways, and that will be that.

Maybe if I had a fun personality, I'd stand a chance... But nope. I'm more boring than a white wall.

I'm so sleepy...
Lately all I do is take naps and cry

Why can't I just quit school and leave this country?

I want to travel and think about life on a quiet mountain somewhere in Europe.